To The Other Side...And Back

To The Other Side…And Back

So far this week has been an easy one. Kerry is back to work and all of the routines are running like clockwork. Sure, there have been a few “moments” now and then but nothing out of the ordinary. That is until last night.

While we were giving Kerry’s dad his 8pm pills, he looked rather pale and his lips were without color. Obviously he needed more oxygen. As I dialed up the oxygen generator, he told me that he felt a bubbling when he took in a breath. I listened to his chest and heard nothing…not to say there wasn’t anything there. He was experiencing coughing and it did sound congested. Kerry asked him if he ever felt this way before and Red immediately remembered his having phenomena a decade ago, and the feeling was much the same, but this time without the pain.

Back, eleven years ago, just after Kerry and I moved to Tucson from San Diego, Red went to an Eagle Squadron reunion in Midland, Texas. During the entire event Red just wasn’t feeling his usual cheerful self. He thought he was coming down with a bad cold. He spent most of his time in the hotel room, instead of enjoying the festivities of the reunion. By the time he got home, he was feeling worse. His doctor thought maybe it was phenomena and prescribed antibiotics-they didn’t help. Red was becoming seriously ill. He was admitted into the ICU and was eventually diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure. He was drowning in his own fluids (from the inside). It was during this event that he experienced his “near death” event. Yes, Red went to heaven and saw what was on the other side. We wrote about the out-of-body experience in my first book *Where Eagles Fly. Here is a sample from the book;

During the five days in ICU, Red only had a few memories, one of which would change his life, forever. He does remember briefly being conscience now and then, only to be followed by the blackness of drug induced sleep. During one of these blackout times, before him, appeared an apparition. It wasn’t the blinding white light everyone talks about when they experience a near death episode. This was different. It was as if the fabric of time was torn. Within the tear, he could see the hole getting bigger and bigger. Inside the tear, there was a beautiful brightness, but it wasn’t blinding. Within the brightness there were people milling about. Some were playing, others just walking to and fro. At the edge of the rift, on the right hand side, was a figure of a woman, standing with her back towards Red. She was looking at the crowd just like Red. Her frame was silhouetted, so not too many details could be seen. Red did notice that her hair was long and black; she looked exactly like his mom.

Red wanted to see more. It was extremely inviting and he felt that he was being drawn in closer and closer. Red was passing over into the other side. Then suddenly, he couldn’t go any further. It was as if his mother was standing guard at the gates to heaven, preventing her son from entering. Red had unfinished business on earth and wouldn’t be allow to enter just yet. The next thing Red knew, he was waking up in the ICU.

He remembered every detail of the vision. He could still feel the warmth and the love that this place was offering him and all those who passed. From that day forward, Red would never fear death again. He now knows what is on the other side and it is beautiful. God had given him the gift, so he could be at peace while he takes care of his responsibilities in the world of mortal beings. He had to take care of his wife, Chris, who was slowly giving in to the limitations of her osteoporosis and scoliosis. Together the two of them would journey into the far reaches of their senior years. Red had a lot to think about. After his five days in ICU, they ran a battery of tests including sonic ultrasound and dye injections. They couldn’t find any traces of his illness. It was as if he was never sick. God was in control and Red knew it.  The aged Eagle was a miracle blessed by God.                 
                                                                                                                                                Back to the reality of Red’s condition today: He slept well last night and had a big breakfast this morning. His hospice nurse came early for her scheduled appointment at 8am and we talked about many things, including the bubbling-she suggested that when he feels that bubbling he should immediately use his inhaler and turn up his oxygen. We will give that a try. When Kerry and I went to bed last night, we looked at each other thinking the same thing – Congestive Heart Failure –   
                                                                                                                                                God is in control of how and when He will take His children home. With Red having a sneak peek into what lays ahead for all of God’s children, we are blessed, and grateful for this divine experience.  

*Where Eagles Fly…Remember Me published by Amethyst Moon Publications 2008.                                                               

Where Eagles Fly…Uncensored  (a re-release) is scheduled for release by Amethyst Moon Publications in July 2012.

Tally Ho...

Tally Ho…

When Red (Kerry’s dad) was a young man, he was a warrior. He fought against the odds and for some unknown reason, he beat them. As a WWII fighter pilot, (flying for the Royal Air Force) he would straddle his Hurricane and head off into battle, man against man, machine against machine, luck against odds.

After the war he returned home a forgotten hero. Since he flew with the RAF (Britian) and not the USAF, his own country would ignore him and his accomplishments. To this day he has no veteran's benefits from the U.S. government. He will be buried with military honors, but only because his wife served in the W.A.V.E.S.

He flew, he fought, he eventually got shot down in the South Pacific and spent the remaining 3 ½ years of the war as a POW on the island of Java (he refers to this as being a guest of the peoples of Japan). How can one make a joke about such an ordeal? He can. He does.

So fighting the good fight is nothing new to this man. Tally Ho was his battle cry and he shouted it every time he faced his enemy. He shouted it often. Today he is fighting his final battle, one he knows he will win. Yes, he will lose the physical battle of body against age, but that is nothing compared to the battle of mind (spirit) over fear (Satan). He knows that when his final moments are upon him, there is nothing ahead of him other than clear skies, no turbulence, and a clearance for landing…at heaven’s gate. We should all be so lucky. Tally Ho.

In this family portrait you can see a young Red, with wife and kids in tow (yes, that is Kerry being held by Chris, her mom).

My prayer today is one of blessings and joy. Blessings for the life we live and joy for the experiences we share with those who care about us.

Father, generous provider, bless those who read these words and especially bless those who are experiencing trials and tribulations. Give them strength to endure as you have done for Kerry and me. As our world is in constant turmoil, I ask that you send your guardian angels to shroud our soldiers with their wings. Let the songs of heaven echo within the hearts and souls of all of my Christian brothers and sisters. As we look up towards your throne, all we see is your glory. As Red and Chris look up towards your glory, all they see is home. And for that we are eternally grateful, in your son’s holy name, Jesus Christ, Amen

Father and Son...

Father and Son...

Flying down to Tucson from Oregon, John, (Red's oldest son) wanted to surprise his mom and dad with an unannounced visit. He arrived late on Thursday evening, after his parents had gone to bed. Usually, in the morning, part of my routine is to bring them their breakfast trays, once the meds were distributed. While Red (Kerry’s dad) sat at the table waiting for his food, it was John who delivered his eggs and toast (with sausage and fried tomatoes). Surprise Surprise Surprise.

It was an interesting day. So far, Red was doing great. His son was here and only a few weeks earlier Tina (Kerry’s sister) was here for 2 weeks giving us a much needed break from our caregiver routines (see Tina Helps With Her Dad – Sunday May 6^th posting).

Now that both Chris (Kerry’s mom) and Red were fed, and John was here, and considering all was going well, I decided to go to the gym for an hour.  Kerry was also off of work for the day so I knew the household was in good hands.

While on the treadmill, almost approaching my 3 mile goal my cell phone started to ring. Panting like a dog, I was able to answer, "Hello.” It was Kerry. She wanted to know what dose I gave her dad this morning for pain control and at what time. I gave her the information she needed and then asked what was going on. Apparently her dad was experiencing great pain (on a scale of 1 – 10, 10 being child birth, he was rapidly approaching a 9, and climbing).

How can things change so rapidly? Only 30 minutes earlier he was sitting there basking in the joys of seeing his son while devouring a great breakfast. I immediately headed home from the gym.

The nurses’ aide was here, to do his bi-weekly shower and shave and as I entered Red’s bedroom, I found him curled up on the bed, in agony. The aide looked concerned and told me that she called for the RN on call. The pain meds Kerry gave him were now starting to kick in. John was getting a sample of what our “bad” days look like – this was becoming a very bad day.

The nurse arrived and did what she had to do. By then, everything was more or less under control. Kerry and I know what to do under these circumstances, and that is exactly what was done. Red was starting to feel much better. This was Johns first day with us (a Friday). The rest of the day John watched (and helped whenever he could). John recently watched his father-in-law pass away from cancer. John’s wife June was the warrior who provided care for her dad during his final stage of life. What we were doing here was no surprise to John – He actually said that his folks looked better than he expected (even though his mom was still healing from her recent fall (see Help Me I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up – Wednesday May 16^th posting).

The rest of Friday was uneventful, and Saturday was pretty much the same. Both Red and Chris were healing (semi "good" days). John spent a lot of time with his folks and especially with his dad. They talked about flying and the war (something Red enjoys very much). Sunday morning, just before noon, John headed back to Oregon. It was a good visit, for Red, for Chris and for Kerry and me as well. But more important, it was a good visit for John.

Citizen Cane…

There is an old riddle out there that most of you have probably heard…It goes like this;

What starts out with 4 legs, then has 2 and ends with 3?  Of course the answer is “man.” The 4 legs are when we crawl as a baby. As we grow we learn to balance on 2 legs and continue that way until our senior years, when a cane becomes our constant companion (the 3^rd leg).

Red (Kerry’s dad) is now dependant on what we lovingly refer to as his 3^rd leg; and being forgetful as he is, he constantly goes around complaining that he can’t find his 3^rd leg. Kerry and I usually find it quickly. He also uses a Zimmer (one of those “walker” things with 2 wheels on one side and tennis ball covered legs on the other). Add to that his new 4 wheeled walker, with basket, brakes and a seat and you have a complete set of 3^rd legs for Red. He will grab whichever one is nearer to him when he needs to be mobile. It can be comical at times when you look at his recliner, with him sound asleep, surrounded by his entourage of balance aides-a 3^rd leg traffic jam.

Kerry’s mom (Chris) was entered into hospice last week. It was amazing…as the hospice nurse was here to evaluate Red, she kept looking over at Chris, with concern (and compassion). After Red was taken care of she spoke with Kerry and me. She asked, “Have you ever thought about signing up your mom into hospice?” To be honest, we never even considered it-not for a moment. But after hearing her suggest it, and seeing all that they are doing for Red, the concept of hospice for Chris started making more sense. She was signed up later that day. She too now enjoys the fact that there is a 4 member team assigned to her, to answer any need that she may have. This also gives Kerry and me a little breathing room.

Things lately have been crazy around here, starting with Chris’ fall a few days ago. Her mobility dropped down to ZERO leaving it up to me and Kerry to transport her here and there and to be there to assist her with the simplest tasks. Today she is doing much better, but still needs some extra care from us – Amazingly, now that hospice has her as a patient, we were able to utilize hospice nurses for some of Chris’ immediate needs.

John (Kerry’s brother) came down from Oregon for a few days. With the rapid decline of his dad (Red), John knew that he had to make the trip now, while there was still time to spend quality time with his father. On Friday morning, everything started out great with John bringing his dad the breakfast tray. Surprise Surprise Surprise…

After insuring all was well I headed to the gym for a quick run. While on the treadmill I got a call from Kerry – she had some questions about the pain control for her dad. She needed to administer some additional meds as her dad was now in severe pain. His gut was on fire. His constipation quickly became painfully serious. By time I got home all hell broke loose. The hospice nurse was called and within 15 minutes she was here. Kerry had already administered the pain meds and Red was starting to pass what he needed to pass. In some ways I was surprised (and in other ways I wasn’t) at how fast Red went from “all is well” to “take me now Lord, I’m tired of this.” I was glad that John got to see what we go through.

As children of God, caring for the elderly, we call out this healing prayer:

“Heavenly Father, You are intimately aware of the struggle that our elderly parents are experiencing -- the pain and the despair. You know the desire of their heart to be comforted during this time of decline. I ask now for Your soothing touch. I know that You are able and that just like in Bible times, You can bring peace to the minds and bodies of those we watch suffer.

“I also understand that You will chose what is best for the elderly.  I pray that through this trial, we will all draw closer to You -- that You will be our comfort and strength. I pray that ultimately, whatever happens, You will be glorified through Kerry and I and what we do here today. I pray this in Jesus’ name, amen.”

Help Me I've Fallen And I Can't Get Up...

Help Me I've Fallen And I Can't Get Up...

After another usual nonstop day of stress and concern, we finally sat down to a quiet dinner, reflecting on the day. Chris (Kerry's mom) was still not felling well due to her sinus infection. She ate her meal in her living room. After she eats supper she usually goes in and brushes her teeth, flosses and changes intro her jammies.

While Red (Kerry's dad), Kerry and I were enjoying our usual after-meal conversation, I thought I heard a muffled "Help" coming from somewhere in the distance. I got up and checked on Chris. I found her pinned between the toilet and bidet. She was wedged in there tightly. Apparently, as she was trying to dress, she lost her balance and went down, pulling her walker down on top of her. Chris and Red both wear one of those "Help Me I've Fallen And I Can't Get Up" buttons. The way Chris was wedged in there, she couldn't reach her button...not sure she even thought of trying to reach it. She said all she could do was yell out for help as loud as she could.

A thorough evaluation was done by Kerry and me to insure no bones were broken. Once all seemed okay, we lifted her back up onto her feet. She walked (with walker) all the way back to her living room seat.

Red sat back and watched the entire thing unfold before his eyes, His concern was great and he immediately complained to me that all he could do was watch-feeling quite useless. He was kicking himself for not being able to help. I asked him if he prayed and he said, "Oh Yeah - Big-time." I thanked him for doing that and added that his prayer was a greater thing then my lifting and it was his prayer that delivered his bride uninjured (with only one cut on her left elbow). He stopped kicking himself.

Sleeping Like A Baby...

Sleeping Like A Baby...

Now that hospice is on board we can tap into them as a resource for those issues that cause us the most grief (lack of sleep).

One of the main issues we have is the regular wake up calls from Kerry's dad (Red) in the middle of the night. If he has some pain or has fallen and needs help, I am there for him, 100%. That was why we set up the walkie talkie system, so he could call me directly (if my services were needed). Those wake up calls have elvolved into more of an every-night-sit-there-and-listen-to-him-rant event, one that leaves me feeling exhausted.

Seeing that his issues were becoming more about confusion versus pain, I was glad to hear that the hospice people had a solution. They sent over some extra meds yesterday and when it was bedtime we administered them, as directed. Last night was the first night in a long time that I slept without interruption. Praise God!

When we got up this morning, just to be sure all was okay; we went into Red's bedroom to check on his status. He was snoring, peacefully, sleeping like a baby.

Good job...hospice!

The "A" Team...

The “A” Team…

I have so many things to talk about. What a week.

Let me see, where do I start? Do I talk about the 2:00am wake-up calls I get every night; those calls by Red (Kerry's dad) asking me to stand and watch him reorganizing his bathroom cupboards in the middle of the night or debate WWII memories? No, I think I already mentioned his middle-of-the-night confussion in a previous BLOG. Should I touch on how much slower Red is moving around? I think that is a given, considering his condition and prognosis. We can go on and on about all of those issues, but it would take a dozen pages to tell the story.

The big event for this week would have to be the sit-down we had on Saturday (yesterday) with a hospice nurse. It only took 2 hours to have all of our questions answered. The papers were signed; as of now Red is a hospice in-home patient. We will be looking forward to his 4 member team coming over to introduce themselves (a nurse, a nurse’s aide, a spiritual counselor and a social worker – The “A” Team). These folks will be here, as needed, on a 24/7 on-call basis. I will update you on how things are going as we get further into our relationship with the “A” Team.

Already today we received a delivery of a bath-pack, an oxygen machine (with tubing), two oxygen tanks (with rolling pull-behind stand) to use in case of a power outage, and a larger walker (with wheels, brakes, a seat and a basket). Yes, these things are all part of the deal and there will be more to come. Yeah Hospice…

My prayer today is a simple one.

Lord, our Father almighty. Bless those who give of themselves to help others in need. Bless those in need. Bless the wonders of life and how fragile you created it. Bless the family who can share in the transformation from an earthly life to a heavenly one. Bless those family members who are not able to share the passing of a loved one so they may find peace and comfort in knowing that you, our Father, who art in Heaven, will watch over those who pass from our hands into yours. And finally, Father, bless Kerry for her stoic strength and conviction, which comes from her devotion to you. For all of these things we pray, in Your sons name, AMEN.

Sleep Walker...

Sleep Walker . . .

Now that Red (Kerry’s dad) is on a more effective pain medication we all agreed that his pain med distribution needed to be controlled. Dates, times, amounts, pain levels, etc will all be documented. Instead of having him help himself to middle-of-the-night medications, we suggested that if he wakes up in the middle of the night, and feels he needs additional medication, he can call us (me) on the walkie talkie.

So far I am getting paged, anywhere between 12:30am and 2:30am (every night). As a youngster (in my teens and early 20’s) I would often stay up until 1am, and I only needed a couple of hours sleep. I also enjoyed sleeping in until noon on occasion. .

When I am being paged at night, it isn't to help Red with his medication (the original concept). Instead, he calls me to tell me how he’s feeling…I am sure he is just feeling alone and has a need to speak with someone willing to sit and listen. As I get up to answer his call, and head towards his apartment, I feel like a Sleep Walker, focused only on getting to where I need to be, taking care of business and getting back to the warmth of my bed.

I promised Red that I would be his transition buddy, to help him on this final journey. For that reason I have no problem getting up, when he feels he needs me, for whatever reason. Those days of staying up until the wee hours of the morning are long gone. Days sleeping in until noon are also long gone. I guess being a Sleep Walker is now the way I will spend my days (or should I say nights?)

Tina Helps With Her Dad...

Tina Helps With Her Dad...

As a nurse, Kerry knows what it is like having patients use their call button when nursing service are needed. Kerry's sister Tina (Christina) is also a nurse who spent the last two weeks here giving us a much needed break. Red and Chris (their dad and mom) used the "oral" call button to the max. The call, “Tina,” can be heard constantly echoing throughout the house. We need to install an intercom system or room monitor. Tina now sees first hand what our day to day responsibilities look like. She leaves on Tuesday - our vacation is over.

As Tina and Kerry’s dad (Red) slides a little further down the slippery slope of his cancers, we get to see how his body, and mind, handles the on slot of medical issues. Constipation, pain, irritation, short temper, irritability, and of course, lack of quality sleep. Any one of these you and I would find intolerable – Red has them all, and more.

We have a meeting with in oncologist on Monday (tomorrow) just to see how his labs are doing. More meds were prescribed to control the pain and slowly this type of chemical numbing will become his daily routine. Hey, as long as he feels pain free I am all for it (we are all “all for it”).

My prayer today is for the soundness of mind of those suffering from any decease.

Father, hear my prayer. Please clear the fog that over takes the dying mind. Allow clear thoughts to find their way to the surface, and to suppress fear and anxiety. Father I ask you to bless Tina for coming here and being a caregiver for her dad while Kerry and I rested. Please give Tina safe travel mercies as she heads back to her family. Lord, we see the spark of your Spirit in Red’s eyes and we pray that he continues to lean on you during those rough days when his body and mind fail him. Most of all Lord we pray for understanding and patience as we deal with Red’s confusion and frustration. He knows we are there for him and for that he is grateful. We know that You Father are there for us and for that we are grateful. Fill our hearts with your Spirit and our minds with your words, so we can share your word with those willing to listen. We pray for all of this in your son’s name, Amen.

Say Ahhh...

Say Ahhh...

As you know, last week was a rough one for Kerry's dad (Red). It started with a tooth ache that wouldn't go away. (see previous post Don't Pull My Leg - Pull My Tooth - April 25, 2012). Red had a tooth pulled and was scheduled to return today (Wednesday) to have another one removed.

While Kerry and I were in San Diego last weekend we kept in touch with Kerry's sister (Tina) to make sure all was going well. It was...until Sunday morning. When we called the house on Sunday (after church) we were told that Red woke up early with another tooth ache. He called his dentist (at home) - yes, this dentist gave Red his home phone number. By 7:30 am Sunday morning, Red was sitting in the chair, receiving the first stages of a root canal. Also, it was determined that alot of Red's discomfort was coming from a dry-socket where he had his previous extraction. The dry socket was treated. The appointment for Wednesday (today) was kept, to continue working on the root canal and dry socket. Of course, antibiotics were prescribed.

The story gets more interesting from here...Red reacted to the antibiotics, even though probiotics were on board. His stomach was constantly upset and that swollen lymph node pressing up against his intestines was causing him discomfort. Red is tired of hurting and getting fed up.

Today (Wednesday) Red told me that he slept better compared to the night before. When his feet are elevated, he feels more comfortable. We will make sure he spends a lot of time with his feet up on his wedge.

As far as Chris goes (Kerry’s mom), she went to the dentist with Red last week, to have a cleaning. They found a cavity and filled it (without novacaine). A cavity, at her age? Drilled and filled without pain meds? Amazing! Today we woke up to the sound of Red calling me on the intercom system we set up between their bedroom and ours. “Richard, Help Help Help,” was the sound I woke up to. Instantly Kerry and I were heading to their apartment to see what was going on. Chris fell between her bed and Red’s bed. No injuries, except for a slight scratch on her shoulder. Within moments (after making sure nothing was broken) we had her up on her feet and on her way to getting her wound cleaned up. After a dressing  was placed on her shoulder, she continued on as if nothing happened.

It has been an interesting week so far. Today, Tina took her dad back to the dentist to continue with his dental work. Next Monday, he will return once again to have the root canal finally filled and follow up appointments will be made to address some small cavity concerns.

Say Ahhh...