It's just another day in Paradise.

It's just another day in Paradise.

Today is Thursday and there are no doctors appointments, no errands, no emergencies (so far). This is a rare and joyous thing. We do have a friend coming over to visit Red at 1:00pm. His name is Jon and he is married to my publisher. Jon enjoys visiting with Kerry's dad. Being a fly boy himself, he sits there and exchanges stories with Red about the life in a cockpit. The difference is Jon flew modern jets versus Reds single prop planes (although single prop fighters like Hurricanes are impressive).

When one is in their advanced senior years and living within a bubble world, it doesn't take much to burst that bubble sending that person into a spiraling emotional downfall. Yesterday, Kerry's dad was looking forward to a trip to Costco with his daughter. Kerry suggested to me that she would like to attend a yoga class at the gym. In order to do this a slight change in the Costco scheduled trip would have to be made. Kerry and I talked about the options and there ended up only being two.

Option A...The plan stays as it is. Nothing changes and Kerry does not get to go to the yoga class.

Option B...We all go to Costco and be there when they open at 10:00am. At 10 minutes before 11:00am we have to make sure we are out of there (45 - 50 minutes of walking around shopping usually wears Red out). On the way home we would drop Kerry off at the gym. I would take Kerry's dad, and the groceries home and drop them off before returning to the gym where I would do a 3 mile run on the treadmill while Kerry finishes her class.

So, as Red was gathering his breakfast together I stood by him chatting. I brought up the topic of a slight schedule change (so Kerry could attend this new class she wanted to try out). Well, you would have thought that I wanted him to uproot his entire world. His bubble was burst and he didn't like it. His temper tantrum was his way of saying, "Stop Rocking My World or Why Are You Moving My Cheese?" He cursed and complained and wouldn't listen to anything anyone had to say. Needless to say, we went with Option A and Kerry didn't get to go to yoga class. We still went to the gym and after coming home and changing Kerry and her dad went to Costco, as planned.

Because he is in the situation he is in (cancer), I feel that it is okay for him to get what he wants, whenever he wants, as long as a) he is not at risk of hurting himself or others and b) he doesn't totally dominate those around him (like me). I am too strong willed to be intimidated by such behavior. Red's kids on the other hand all still feel the wrath of his words and attitude, when things don't go his way. Instead of backing down, I prefer to look him in the eye and ask, "So, how's that working for you?"

Red and I have great conversations because I can talk to him man to man instead of man to child. Now as far as Chris goes, she will always be within her own little bubble, one she seldom leaves. Just make sure her weekly-pill container is stocked, her meals are delivered (bananas with breakfast/apples with lunch/ice cream with dinner) and her newspaper is by her side.

Yes, it's just another day in paradise. 

Posted by RSHunter at 7:49 AM 1 comments

Is there a doctor in the house?

             

Is there a doctor in the house?

Today I want to talk to you about what happens to our bodies as we age. Most of you already experience the aches and pains of tired joints each and every morning as you try to get up out of bed. I know I do. For you younger folks, beware...your day will come.

If you are lucky, you will live a long and healthy life with little or no illness; that is until the end arrives...it will arrive for all of us. Rumor has it that the statistic of those who will face a death-bed is hovering somewhere around 100%. Lets talk a little about what I know.

Since I am Red and Chris' driver and because they (mostly Red) have at least two or three Doctor appointments per week, I spend a lot of time sitting in doctors waiting rooms I get to see a wide variety of sick elderly people. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself when I realize that there are things I want to do that I no longer can, due to my age and physical condition. But sitting there in a waiting room watching folks who are in their 80's, 90's and beyond, I suddenly feel wonderful about myself. It recharges my batteries. I stand taller and breathe deeper. I can see it in the eyes of those elderly folks that they are not all enjoying life. Some are simply going along with whatever God has given them and others are tired and ready for it all to end. I held the door for a lady once as she was leaving the doctors facility. As she passed me she looked up. Instead of saying thank you, her voice cried out, "Don't get old. It really sucks!" Then she continued on her way, one slow step after another. She is one of the lucky ones. She can still get around on her own, with her walker of course.

Red and Chris (Kerry's mom and dad) have their own issues to deal with, besides the usual stuff that goes along with old age. Kerry's mom is suffering with Osteoporosis (thinning of bone tissue and loss of bone density), Scoliosis (abnormal curving of the spine) and of course Type 2 Diabetes and Atrial Fibrillation. Her spine is so badly curved she can no longer look ahead as she moves around. With her walker in hand she slowly moves one sliding step after another until she arrives at her final destination, which is usually one of three places; her recliner, her bathroom or the dinning room table for dinner. Now and then we throw a doctors appointment into the mix and that is Chris' world. We have an exercise bike near her recliner and she is very good about crawling onto it and slowly cycling (with no resistance) a few times a day. We encourage her to exercise as much as she can. She does little, but then again, every little bit helps. When she falls, and she does on occasion, we first assess her for injuries before getting her back up onto her feet. Going to the gym 6 days a week helps keep me in shape for those days when I have to pick up either Kerry's mom or dad off of the floor. 

Speaking of Kerry's dad (Red), he has his own list of medical problems, including Mycosis Fungoides (a rare type of skin lymphoma (tumors of the blood) and Prostate Cancer  (metastatic castration-resistant prostate cancer (mCRPC)). When he was much younger he also experienced detached retinas. In those days they had primitive laser techniques available to reattach retinas. He also had Cataract surgery almost 50 years ago; back then they removed the lens and didn't replace them. He had to cope with limited eye sight (no peripheral vision) and coke bottle glasses ever since. Recently we found out that he is no longer responding to the hormone treatment for his Prostate cancer. We are now seeing a specialist who is helping us deal with what lays ahead. Red is taking it all very well. He once had a near death experience and after that event he said that he has no fear of death. He now knows what is waiting for him on the other side. He  is somewhat excited about making that journey, although he still experiences fear on occasion. I promised him that I would be his transition buddy to help him pass over when that day arrives. We are assuming that this will be his last year with us. At 90 years old he has lived a long and amazing life. When his day comes we will not cry with sorrow. Instead we will sing with praise that he knows God and is finally at peace.

Richard

Posted by RSHunter at 7:21 AM 0 comments

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A day in the life of Richard...

A Day in the Life of Richard

When I open my eyes in the morning, usually between 5am and 6am, my feet hit the ground running. First order of business is to start the coffee. The previous evening I put together the prep for the morning’s coffee as well as breakfast for Kerry and her mom and dad.

Once the coffee is going I cook the porridge (oatmeal) for Kerry while bringing her a cup of coffee to sip on as she wakes up to the day. Once she gets her breakfast I start preparing the porridge for her mom who is usually up by 7am. It usually takes around 30 minutes from the time she wakes up to the time she reaches her recliner (this is where she eats her breakfast and lunch). Once she gets her food (and newspaper) I start the work on Kerry’s dad’s meal. He usually takes an hour to get ready in the morning so I have a little time to multi task (work on his breakfast, feeding the dog and putting together Kerry’s lunch if it is a work day for her). Once Kerry’s dad gets his food I can start washing the dishes from Kerry and her mom’s breakfast. By time Kerry leaves for work (7:45am), the meals and cleanup are complete.

This is the time for my first break…I head to the gym for an hour workout (I have to keep in shape just in case Kerry’s mom or dad have a fall – picking them up takes strength – I’ve been there, done that!).

On Tuesdays and Fridays Red (Kerry’s dad) has multiple procedures (ultra light and laser) to treat his skin cancer. These appointments usually take up the entire morning; then you can add into the mix various doctor’s appointments for both of them. Every week is the same. Once we are back at home from the light and laser treatments (or around 11:30am on any other day) I prepare a lunch for Kerry’s folks. During the afternoon I usually do my chores around the house (cleaning, laundry, yard work, etc). By 2:00pm I am ready for my second break (hot tub time for Ricky).

After my afternoon break I usually start putting dinner together. While cooking dinner I will gather and assemble the ingredients for the next day’s breakfast (oatmeal, fruit, nuts, etc) and prepare the portions so all I have to do in the morning is heat and serve. We usually eat dinner by 5:30pm.

After eating we sit around the table while I read to Red (Kerry’s dad). He enjoys having a storyteller in the family and I gladly fill that role. By 6:30pm the dishes are done, Kerry’s mom has flossed her teeth and changed into her jammies and Kerry’s dad has Wheel of Fortune on the TV. This is when Kerry and I retreat to our part of the house and relax for the remainder of the day (or should I say evening)?

By 9:00pm shouts of "goodnights" can be heard as we all head to bed. As our heads hit the pillow Kerry and I contemplate the events of the day and what we have to look forward to tomorrow. We slowly surrender to the slumber that awaits us. As I wake up the next morning I start the entire thing all over again.

Yes, I am a caregiver, chef, housekeeper, chauffeur, bodyguard, medic, storyteller, husband, son-in-law and friend…and I do all of this with a praise to God for the chance of being there for Kerry’s folks as they transition through their final phase of life. It is good!

 

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